The title may be an unpopular opinion, but hear me out.

It’s okay to have negative thoughts because it’s actually normal. It may not feel normal living in a culture of “positive vibes only” and scrolling through everyone’s best life moments on social media. Someone struggling with any form of mental illness or depression may feel broken. They may feel like an outcast because they can’t get the negative voices out of their head. How does everyone seem to be so positive?

But what if I told you that everyone has negative thoughts? Even the happiest people that seem to have it all figured out will have negative thoughts. I say this confidently because humans are wired to pay more attention to negative stimulus. In psychology, this is called the Negative Bias.

As humans evolved, the ones that focused more on dangers were the ones that survived. Those that kept their guard up and ears open for any strange noises were the ones that stayed alive to pass on their genes. The other ones were distracted watching Caveflix and got eaten by raptors. Thousands of years later, we have a human mind that was evolved to be on high alert for threats and dangers.

We are subconsciously tuned to be on alert, meaning we are automatically focusing and impacted more by negativity. Research shows that even babies as young as 3 months old can show signs of negative bias. The part of our brain that regulates our emotions and motivation, the amygdala, uses about two-thirds of its neurons to detect negativity. It then stores it into long-term memory.

This is why it’s okay to have negative thoughts. Our minds were built to focus on the negatives.

But that doesn’t mean we have to live our entire life through a negative lens.

For those struggling to view positives in the world, trying to not think negative can be extremely frustrating. The difficulty of trying not to think negative, comes from trying so hard to not think negative! That might not make sense right away, so let’s dig into why this might be.

The human mind can be a predictable machine. What it thinks, it tends to see. For example, if we had a conversation about a Honda Civic, all of a sudden we see Civics everywhere. Tell someone not to think of elephants, and they think of elephants. Apply that same logic to negativity. You may go through the day telling yourself “don’t think negative thoughts,” and then all you think are negative thoughts!

The trick to living with our negative bias isn’t to try to avoid negativity or force positivity. It actually starts with acceptance and patience.

First, remember that it’s okay to have negative thoughts. Accept that negative thinking is natural. Our thoughts come and go as they please. A thought doesn’t define who we are. Our reactions to the thoughts define us. Just because we have a thought doesn’t mean we have to react to it. For example, do you always eat if you have a thought about food? If you see a sign at a museum that says “do not touch,” and it makes you want to touch the painting, do you actually touch it? No! At least, hopefully.

We may not have complete control over our thoughts, but we have control over our reactions. When we come across a negative thought, accept it and allow yourself to feel it. It’s okay to feel negative. Like a leaf floating away in a river, our feelings and thoughts will also float away. A negative mindset does not form by thoughts alone. It develops from repeated reactions to the negativity.

The next time you have a negative thought, allow yourself to feel it, but refrain from reacting with it. This practice will be very difficult, but just like learning anything new, it becomes easier with repetition.

Be as patient with yourself as you would if training a new puppy. We might not want to hear this, but negativity will cause us to stumble from time to time. Forgive yourself over and over for reacting to the negative thought. Remember that the thought is just a thought, and that it’s natural.

On the flip side, when you do have a positive thought, hold it in your attention for just 10 to 20 seconds. Replay the thought in your head. Feel yourself have a slight smile. Allow yourself to feel good. Shake your fist in celebration. You might feel silly. Laugh at the silliness. Doing this for a short 20 seconds starts the process to recode your mind to look for positivity. At first, you may not have very many positive thoughts, and that’s okay. This is natural because of our negative bias mindset. But have patience, that with repeated reinforcement of positive thoughts, your mind will recalibrate to see more of it in the world.

I want to stress that this will take time. Forgive yourself when you have a reaction to a negative thought. Celebrate when you have a positive thought. Be patient. Negative thoughts are normal and not something you have to beat yourself up over. You are not a negative person because you have negative thoughts. You are simply human and learning how to react differently to what comes naturally. With acceptance and patient practice, you’ll be able to recode your mind to see life in a positive lens.