Many of us grow up in a designed system. We go through grade school, university, get a career, get married, raise a family, put kids through system, and then eventually die. (Apologies to nonchalantly throwing out death in the first 2 sentences of this article!) This system has been on repeat for generations. We are lucky and should be grateful to be able to grow up in this sort of environment. It could be a lot worse, like not being able to get an education or choose our life partner.

However, in this system, we don’t get to make too many of our own choices until we have income that lets us live independently from our parents. And even after, parents often have an impact in our decisions, consciously or subconsciously, whether we like it or not.

Before we are able to become completely independent, we are mainly told what to do on a day to day basis. Go to school, study this, do this activity, go to this practice, etc. If we’re being honest, a big part of our careers are all about listening to other people as well. Deadlines for projects, revenue targets to hit, sale numbers to reach, meetings to go to, etc.

The early parts of human life are filled with lots of direction from other people and what they think is the best for us. If you are lucky, some of these people become your mentors and push, pull, maybe sometimes carry, convince when necessary, and support you in creating your own path for life.

Some of us are not so lucky and just float through life accepting what other people tell us to do, because that was how we were raised. We accept our accidental life, and live on thinking this is what life is.

I believe that a “mid-life crisis” is when we start to wake up from an accidental life and begin to ask the right questions.

At first, it’s easy to slip into a state of blaming everyone and everything. You may blame society, your parents, your environment, and/or your school for being where you are today. Because when being raised in a system, our decisions were limited, and many of us never actually learned how to make a decision. And when a decision has a negative consequence, your natural reaction is to blame someone else. How could it be your fault when you never even wanted or knew you were making that decision?

This deflection of consequences and blaming others is great if you want to continue living the way you are. It may be why many people are fine working at large organizations where they are told what to do most of the day. That way, if something goes wrong, the blame is mainly on the decision-maker.

The realization that you can be THE decision-maker of your life is a big step towards walking your own path. Life starts to change when you start to own every decision and consequence. Purpose begins to shape when you decide that you are responsible for your actions. It’s scary at first. It’s scary to realize that we can decide what to do next. It’s scary to think that our actions are our own. It’s scary to realize that regardless of the things happening around us, our reactions to these happenings are entirely in our control.

And then it begins to be empowering. What happens next is my decision. How I react is my choice. What I do is up to me. I am in the driver seat, and I decide where and how fast to go.

This shift from “along for the ride” to “I am the ride” is the start towards living with purpose. It’s going to be bumpy, you’ll get lost, you might go backwards, you’ll love some things, hate lots of other things, get embarrassed, learn stuff, and experience the entire spectrum of emotions. In the end, it’ll be totally worth it because the decisions, actions, consequences are all yours. You’ve decided to own it, and have begun paving your own life path.

Start small. The decision to own your actions can be overwhelming. Start small by catching yourself when you begin to put fault onto things. Don’t look to blame someone. What happened, has happened. What you can do now is to accept and own the situation you are in. Own your reactions and your next steps. This shifts you back into the driver seat and gives you the ability to navigate the situation. Then, you’ll remember that someone long ago told you about this annoying thing called the Serenity Prayer. Back when you owned none of your actions, this prayer made no sense. But now, with a shift in mindset into ownership, of living a life with purpose, you begin to understand the power behind this concept. So take ownership of your life and remember, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”