I’ve been stuck trying to change for quite some time. I realized that my adult life has been a few sets of giant cycles of trying to create change. The cycle is some form of something new: move to a new city, start a new relationship, find a new job. I believe the “change” I’m looking for is to fill a feeling of void in myself, a sense of “emptiness” that I’ve felt since a very early age.

What’s extremely frustrating is that no matter what new thing I have tried to do, I have not changed much. I do not feel the opposite of “empty” or any sort of life satisfaction.

Albert Einstein’s quote comes to mind: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” I feel insane.

I feel so insane, that thoughts of suicide pop into my head. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I don’t want to die. Then why thoughts of suicide?

It’s because I desperately want change, and death is the quickest and easiest way to immediate change. It’s not the best long term solution though, so I just revert to my normal cycle of moving from city to city and staying insane inside my head. Very unhealthy, I know.

Most of my research lately has been trying to figure out why change is so hard. I last wrote about Mel Robbins saying that it is simple to change, but not easy.

Then I came across Dr. Joe Dispenza on Impact Theory. He explains that change is extremely difficult for people because our bodies are on a completely different programing. By the time we are 35 years old, 95% of who we are is a memorized set of behaviors, emotional reactions, unconscious habits, hardwired attitudes, beliefs, and perceptions. These all act as a program in our subconscious mind, running on autopilot. Even if the other 5% wants change, we are fighting against years of programming and against our own bodies.

So how can we get past ourselves? If we are already programmed to respond in one way, what can we do? Many people, myself included, wait for something outside to drive this change. But true change has to come from yourself.

In order to do this, we have to start mentally rehearsing the action that we want. When we mentally rehearse, if we are truly present, our brain will not know the difference between what we are imagining and what we’re experiencing in real life. This practice will start to install the neurological hardware into our brain to look like the event has already occurred. And slowly the brain ceases to become a record of the past. It transforms into a map of the future.

The hardest thing about this exercise is to teach your body emotionally what the future will feel like ahead of the actual experience. You cannot wait for your success to feel empowered. You cannot wait for wealth to feel abundant.

“The moment you start feeling abundant and worthy, you are generating wealth. The moment you are empowered and feel it you are beginning to step towards your success. The moment you start feeling whole, your healing begins and when you love yourself and you love all of life, you will create an equal and now you are causing an effect.”

That’s the difference between living as a victim versus a creator. As a creator, you are saying “my thinking and my feeling is changing an outcome in my life.” We need to start defining ourselves using a vision of a future that we define.

To begin this visualization process, we must start by disconnecting from our environment and focusing on the present. Often times, it’s our environment and our daily routines that represent ourselves. By disconnecting and focusing on the present, we are teaching ourselves to overcoming our current instincts to revert to a routine or feel past emotions. If we focus on past emotions, we are sending our energy into the past.

However, by catching ourselves in those moments and telling our minds to focus on the present, we are reprogramming ourselves that our will is greater than our subconscious program. As we repeat this practice, we eventually reprogram our subconscious.

This will help free us from the chains of emotions that keep us in the past and it’s the beginning of the change we are looking for.