WHY is it so hard. Why? I suppose anything worth doing is going to take effort. I apparently do not want to give effort into this because I expect to magically be able to write something. I also think that I can magically wake up at 4am, be sharp and read a book, write a short blog, and then be out the door by 4:30 to catch a 6am flight. Oh, and I thought I could do all this when falling asleep somewhere between 12:30 to 1am. No, James. That is just silly. Maybe after a thousand times you’d be able to do this because you’d be in cruise control, but you’re still trying to get to Day 1.

Which then kinda brings me to a question I have. What does happen on these days where I have to wake up super early to get to somewhere? But then I get to think, is this “get to somewhere” nonsense all just an excuse? Cause in the end, life will always happen and there will always be days where something “needs” to get done. If I can’t prioritize what I think is important for myself, than I’ve already lost metirement.

I refuse to believe that though. I am enjoying life right now. I’m in Seattle contracting for a company that has a pretty good culture. Also, the buddy I’m working for is actually a legit boss. I’ve already learned a few things from him by just watching him lead meetings. It feels really good to be in a position where I can learn from the leaders around me. Not only that, but the team I’m working for is pretty solid.

I’m enjoying life at the moment, and I’m enjoying metirement. I’ll get to writing soon. It’ll come. I’m beginning to slowly feel different about things. I can’t explain it quite well, probably cause I’m for one, not entirely sure what it even is, but also cause… I don’t know how to explain it? I dont know. I can sense myself becoming frustrated with how many things I want to accomplish and things i have yet to do. I do feel like i’m urgently missing time by just sitting here and typing about some stupid feeling. At the same time, it feels important to write this all out. It feels important to feel those negative feelings rush out, but more importantly to understand them. Where do they come from? Why do they come this quickly?

I’m beginning to understand things a bit more. It’s funny though, cause as I understand things a bit more, I understand a lot of other things a bit less.

Maybe life isn’t about trying to “figure it out.” It seems more that life is just about living it, as in actually and moving, versus just sitting around hoping that you’ll figure shit out. You just keep on moving and worry about you. Life will figure itself out.