Ugh. I don’t know what to write. Again. I feel like I have such little purpose. Without purpose, it’s hard to do anything that drives towards any future. It’s hard to make myself sit here and type up something when I don’t think it’s worth anything. I’m stuck in a constant loop and I can’t get out. I’m spinning round and round a black hole. I want to escape it’s grasp, but I’m stuck. I’m not falling in, but I’m not getting out. It’s an eternal spin without an escape.

I’m told it’s a decision to escape. It’s a decision to get out. It’s a decision to break this loop, this cycle. It’s my decision. I want to decide to get out. I decide to get out. And somehow, the next minute, I’m in the same place again.

Part of me even wonders if I should keep writing. My posts have been so short, lame, lacking effort. It shows my effortless soul, my non-purpose life. I’m going to get out. I know it. I just don’t know how.

You just need to find time. Just find the time and do it. It doesn’t even have to be the same time per day.

I have to think about what I believe the future will look like.

Guys. I’m at Joshua Tree. This place is beautiful and amazing and mesmerizing and wonderful.

The way to write first thing in the morning is to not check email! Don’t look at anything on the phone! Don’t turn on the TV! Don’t do this, don’t do that!

I find the real way to start anything in the morning, is to just simply start. I actually did check my email briefly this morning. I also did check my phone and I replied a simple text to a friend about making a fantasy baseball trade. Then I opened this page to write. I had to think about what to write, which made me think, which meant I wasn’t writing.

Hence, just simply do. I’m just typing without really thinking. I want these daily notes to have some meaning and sense of direction one day. I’ll get there eventually, is what I keep telling myself. In fact, I feel that I have similar type posts about starting to write or whatever. Which I actually then never start.

Right now, my mind is starting to wander about the things I have coming up on this day. I can feel my mind trying to force me away from writing. It actually feels physical, like my mind is physically making my fingers heavy so I stop typing. It physically makes my eyes wander, so it can have something else to think about. This has been a challenge, even to only write these short 4 paragraphs.

My secret sauce to writing… is to just simply start. Look down and just go. Stop wondering about the what if’s. What if my writing sucks, what if I write about nothing. Because honestly, right now, my writing does suck, and I really am writing about nothing. I’m going to embrace that, understand that feeling, and simply keep going.

I got back from Seattle today. Really had a good experience in the last couple days. It’s time to really start. TOMORROW!

In Seattle today writing this post at an Embassy Suites. It took me 5 minutes to log onto their network. I find it strange that it took me that long to access the internet. It’s 2019. Should it really be that hard? There should just be internet everywhere and it should be accessible for free for anyone. When’s that going to happen? Google, hurry up and do your thing.

Also, I’m super excited to be working with Jay at Qualtrics. Really blessed to have this opportunity and looking forward to learning!

Here’s a thought. It’s morning. I’m drinking my coffee. Thinking about what to write about. Thinking, what’s just a thought to write about? At the same time, I’m listening to music and also have the Tigers game the tube. And writing on the computer means I have access to my email, fantasy team, chat, and random articles that I wanted to read.

I’m not present at all. There’s so much going on in my mind, even in the morning. Even if I want to quiet it down to just one thing, I have way too much elsewhere. My mind has gone through years of thinking that multi tasking was a good thing. And now I’ve forgotten how to think about a single thought. I think that one morning I can wake up and change years of thinking in one day.

It’s more difficult than I thought. Even typing this, I feel my mind being pulled in other directions. It’s tough not to give into those other distractions. I think I can sit down and write something so easily, without worrying about anything. Now that I’m actually doing it, it seems ridiculous that I thought this would be some simple exercise.

But what I am learning is that taking a simple step, taking action, actually writing helps me focus. It’s gradual, but it’s happening. I’ll slowly reprogram my mind to remember this and come back to operating on single thoughts.

I haven’t made writing a priority. I promise, I’ll write something in the morning tomorrow. I’ll do it as soon as I pour myself a cup of coffee.

Happy Easter Sunday to those who celebrate Easter. And happy day to anyone else that doesn’t. Either way, it’s another gorgeous day in Los Angeles. One of the benefits of living in this patch of fertile desert is having blue skies almost everyday. I find it difficult to be motivated to stay inside an office all day with the skies so blue all year around. Well, here’s to another day anyways. Cheers.