My initial thoughts on this day are really relaxed. It’s only the third day I’ve been in Hoi An, but I felt no rush or need to do anything. That feeling seemed new to me on this trip, and somehow as the day went on, it felt old, and then content.

I spent most of this day either on the beach, in the hotel room chilling, or reading somewhere (hotel lobby, cafe). It’s surprising how you can fall into an old routine so easily. My fall back routine seems to be “lazy”. And it feels negative to me, like it’s wrong to be sitting around just reading or lounging around.

This got me thinking… when I am tired, stressed, mentally or physically drained, my immediate reaction is to shut down and shut out the world. I’m sure this has got to be common. The danger for me, personally, is when I drop into this “bubble of alone-ness”, I don’t feel relaxed or replenished. I feel like I’m wasting time and that leads me to feel useless. Which then gives me more anxiety and stresses me out.

Thinking back about this day, it amazes me that even in a completely new and different part of the world, I can fall into old behavior and thinking so quickly. And how that feeling overwhelms my initial thought of “ah, I had a relaxing day!”

The past has a lot of power. People tell me to let it go and that the past cannot be changed. While I agree with that, I believe the past drives perspective, which alters your present, and ultimately, your future. In a way, you can alter your past by changing your present perspective to a positive outlook leading you to remember the good more than the bad. To be grateful for what you did have, and not what you didn’t. I’m not looking to change my past. I just want to understand it, alter my perspective, learn from it and ultimately, just become a grateful, positive human being.